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A large motor yacht was stranded in the high surf off Mobjoy Pt. amidst rising winds and abnormally high tides. Details are sketchy at press time, but rumors claim the yacht suffered unspecified mechanical problems and was unable to gain safe harbor at Mobjoy quay. No word on weather the anchor was deployed before she found herself in the surf. The bystanders witnessing the event claim several people were seen boarding an inflatable dinghy to get to the beach but there was no information on the number of passengers on the yacht or if any remain on board.

Coconut Caper

Over 100 coconut tree (Nucifera) seedlings were reported missing in the settlement of Rocky Landing on Wednesday. These seedlings were destined to be planted as part of an expansion of the coconut plantation there. Rocky Landing is remote, with only one road leading to it. However, the settlement is approachable by boat in calm weather. Authorities are asking anyone to report sightings of wayward coconut seedlings promptly.

Karen Sighting

A wild Karen (mainlander slang for an unpleasant woman) was reported to have caused a stir in a restaurant at PupTown Harbor when she declared the waitress was attempting to poison her by neglecting to mention the dish she had ordered contained peanuts. “Karen” who’s allergies to peanuts did not keep her from hurling a pitcher of ice tea at the hapless assistant manager of the Tilly Tuna restaurant, demanded to know why each dish on the menu did not have a note if it contains peanuts. The waitress was quoted as saying the woman didn’t mention her peanut allergy and never asked about the ingredients. Karen threatened to sue the waitress, the assistant manager, the owner of the premises, the officer who arrested her for battery, and the internet service which arranged her itinerary. At press time, Karen as hemp in tyd town jail where, we are assured, she will be served no peanuts.

Jobart Hobson, resident of Rockinghorse Cay, arrested for Assault and Battery on Ms. Terra McCormick, tourist from the United Kingdom. According to several witnesses, Mr. Hobson displayed a tame Twilight Gecko to the woman, and informed her (quite erroneously) that the purple and yellow creature possessed a deadly bite. He proceeded to threaten Ms. McCormick with the gecko, demanding money, and one point threw the reptile at her. In her panic, Ms. McCormick tripped and fell, injuring her leg. Mr. Hobson was also charged with misdemeanor Animal Cruelty

Drunk and Disorderly, Disturbing the Peace

William Sutters, tourist from the USA, was arrested for public intoxication and playing loud music while visiting East Cove in the evening hours of Tuesday. Visitors to the Southern Islands are reminded that alcohol may only be consumed on private property. Noise ordnances vary from island to island, however none will appreciate Death Metal played at 11pm.

Intent to Defraud, Malicious Mischief, Public Nuisance

Timor Grubb, resident of Pup Town, arrested for rigged lobster races, loose or otherwise improperly restrained goats, and defacing business signage. Visitors are cautioned against participating in any wager on unsanctioned lobster races or goat wrangles.

This raft seems to be built with salvaged materials. Note the engine and transmission with gear shift, probably from a tractor.

A large anchor caused delays on East street when it fell from its transport trailer while being delivered to its new owner, Marshes Salvage and Marine Recovery. No injuries were reported, however the anchor resisted attempts to drag it to the side of the road to allow motorists to pass. The resulting two hour delay caused grumblings among the commuters while a loader large enough to lift the anchor back onto its trailer was brought up from Marshes equipment yard. The anchor, intended to assist with vessel salvage, weighs an estimated nine hundred pounds. Eagle Metal works, the vendor, was cited for improperly secured load, and in-operational or absent lighting.

Sunrise Mangoes, with a flavor much like honey, are not native to the Southern Islands. However, they exist nowhere else. Like many of the other fruits in the islands, they came from other places and were cultivated here. Rumor has it that in the sixteen hundreds a ship carrying the mango seedlings was wrecked, and her crew became part of the population of the islands, as did the mango trees. Only a few of the hardiest survived. They developed a flavor like no other.

The settlement of White Bluff has reportedly experienced another appearance of the Lucky Ghost Dog. Story as related by Captain William Bencee, cargo gracy “Oleander”

“Was lying at anchor 2 NM off the White Bluff Settlement. Weather, mild, winds, SE 10k. Awaiting tide to enter White Bluff Creek to take on cargo of pineapple. At about 1:30 AM was awoken by barking of dog. I and several crew notice small brown dog running up and down the deck. We figured the animal had somehow come aboard from the wharfs at Rockinghorse, and set about trying to secure it. By now the noise had found everyone on board quite awake. We found it impossible to corner the dog, and even a serving of uncooked burger could not coax it into the wheelhouse. After about fifteen minutes, it took up a position on the bow, forward of the windlass, barking incessantly. We though it was finally trapped there, and the engineer and mate proceeded to approach. The animal then jumped up on the caprail and began snarling furiously at the water. The Mate was able to grab it with a towel, and the Engineer glanced down to see a dinghy in the water. He called for a hand torch, which revealed a person, or body, in the bottom of the small craft. The dinghy was brought aft where the castaway, Male, older, was discovered to be alive. He was recovered without incident and a call was put out to Island Marine Rescue, which sent a chopper. The canine, last seen resting in a box under the saloon table, was nowhere to be found. Open arrival in White Bluff, was told of local Lucky Ghost Dog legend. Six crew and myself all witnessed this apparition and Someone even took a picture.

No one in the settlement seemed much taken by our experience. I was informed later that our rescue was a foreign yachtsman adrift for ten days after collision with unspecified object forced abandonment of yacht.”